chrisrankings:

THE 4 WHITE CHRISES RANKINGS – week ending 15th july, 2018

#1 – CHRIS PINE – SUMMER BIKE RIDE WITH CHANNING TATUM

This editorial board has wholeheartedly endorsed Channing Tatum ever since he implied that Jamie Bell was a short but feisty top. I’m impressed to see Pine making swift amends for his recent spate of dismal rankings: ultimately, while we at chrisrankings.tumblr.com encourage unrelenting iconography & constant, zeitgeist-adjacent acts as a way of life, we value an upward trajectory more. The Washington Post article which first broke the news does not mention if Tatum and Pine’s bikes had quaint wicker-baskets affixed to the handlebars, but that’s how I picture it in my mind’s eye (and my mind’s eye ascends the vapidity of facts): it’s enough for Pine to rocket to first rank. 

#2 – CHRIS EVANS – TWEET ABOUT ART

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Earnestness is a lethal weapon, and woe betide anyone who doubts this maxim. I know, because upon reading this tweet my vision blacked out and I promptly headbutted a wall, which means that Evans fractured my cranium in three separate places without lifting a finger. The use of direct address vis-à-vis Kareem’s middle name: how avuncular! How visionary! Two adjectives which otherwise occupy opposite ends of the spectrum; trust Evans to bring them together. BBC teasingly skirts poverty porn with this video, but I’m loathe to imagine that Evans thinks virtue-signalling is anything other than taking your high-school beau behind a locker and shyly showing them your purity ring. My felicitations, Evans–there’s no way but up/getting back with Jenny Slate from here.  

#3 – CHRIS HEMSWORTH – DID NOTHING SPECIFICALLY LESBIAN-RESPECTING THIS WEEK, UNLIKE KEIRA KNIGHTLEY  

I’d have settled for even the slightest sign of fight: Evans made significant gains this week among lesbian constituents following the now-infamous Billy Eichner retweet, and Hemsworth seems unbothered. Does he truly believe he has the market cornered, even as Justin McElroy lives and breathes? The silence is deafening, and speaks to a certain arrogance. This week, I must exile him to third rank.

#4 – CHRIS PRATT – OY VEY!

I sat my trusty detainee Nate Silver in front of the television set and made him watch Passengers (2016) dir. Morten Tyldum, which, while in contravention of several humanitarian laws, gave him new-found appreciation for the message I’m spreading.

lesbirdan:

butchscientist:

i genuinely can’t conceptualize regularly wearing makeup not messing with your perception of your natural face like. ok sure if people say that they don’t feel that way i take that at face value but honestly back when i tried to wear makeup semi regularly i would only wear some concealer and maybe mascara but i remember the more i wore it the uglier my natural face felt, the more obvious the bags under my eyes seemed, the more redness i saw around my nose, the uglier my eyelashes looked without makeup.

did anything physically change about my natural face? no! but concealing those things on my face inherently involved viewing them as flaws to be concealed, and the more i did that & saw my face “corrected” & got used to that the more those parts of my natural face felt like something gross and bad.

whenever i hear someone describe makeup as “putting my face on” i flinch – that phrasing implies that Your Physical Face That Is Attached To You isn’t your “real” face and the implications of that perspective are so profoundly unsettling

uglyloki:

Magnus Burnsides, running through the Bureau of Balance, followed by Carey, Killian, Lucretia, and NO3113: let’s go lesbians let’s go LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO here we go lesbians.. here we go lesbians C’mon! LET’S GO LESBIANS!! oh my god lesbians…. oh my god lesbians- move outta my way ROUNDING THE CORNER WITH A BUNCH OF LESBIANS HERE WE ARE CAN YOU HANDLE IT?!

banderboucher:

Dude filmmaker: We wanted to cleverly critique the way women are brutalised then sidelined in films. To do this, we had the women in our film brutalised then sidelined. I think you’ll find it incredible; I found it so good that at one point in the film you can hear me audibly groaning “ahhh, cinema” from behind the camera.