mautlin:

this is not gonna be a fleshed out, coherent thought because i’m sleepy but for a long time i felt like i couldn’t relate to “other” GNC lesbian women at all, like there was some unnameable but extremely deep and vital difference between me and them, and eventually I realized that I was hung up on this notion that other GNC women were actually GNC women on the inside. they were masc women or butch lesbian women through and through, whereas I was only GNC/butch because it’s the closest I could possibly come to ‘being myself’ in this unluckily female body even though it’s actually leagues away from whatever the fuck I am (not human or woman). I’m only a lesbian in the most technical possible sense, not in the way that other women are lesbians for real; I’m an accidental intruder. I just happen to look like One Of Those Women, but it’s really not representative or even close to ideal. anyway I know now that I was way off because lots of us are dysphoric as shit and seem to feel these same things lmao. the secret is that we all fuckin feel like this